Our “Moon Food”
As I have said many times in my work before, I am a forever student of the language of Astrology. It never ceases to show me that with each insight or understanding I gain there is an encyclopedia of deeper interpretation that I have still not come close to unpacking. Recently I have uncovered yet another way the birth chart can teach us compassion towards ourselves through the use of our Moon placement.
Along with the Ascendant, the Moon is one of the first placements people learn about when they realize that there is more to their horoscope than just their Sun placement. Some of the most basic delineations of the Moon include our sense of home, intuition, instincts, our emotions, and our mothers, among other things. In my work with clients I have used the moon sign to gain a deep understanding of early psychological imprints created between the child version of ourselves and our biological mother.
In Liz Greene and Howard Sasportas' book The Luminaries, one of the lectures explores the concept of “moon food” — the nurturance we require and will inevitably seek out, as it is essential to our survival. If we had caretakers, particularly a mother, who was able to provide us with this “moon food” in a healthy way, in alignment with the specific needs of our moon sign, we develop a healthy sense of self and attachment. This, in turn, makes it easier to maintain relationships later in life and feel secure within them. However, if our mother was unable to provide us with this “moon food” in the way we needed, we may experience feelings of abandonment and form unhealthy attachments. This can lead us to seek nurturance outside of ourselves later in life, often through food, alcohol, sex, or anything that offers temporary feelings of safety and satiation.
When early attachment needs are unmet, we may also subconsciously look for a “mother” figure in our romantic partners, hoping they can help us heal from the pain of feeling rejected by the person we instinctively believe should have loved and cared for us unconditionally. An interesting fact is that the only neurons repurposed in the brain are those used to create an early sense of “mother.” These same neurons, with their original patterning, are later repurposed to form romantic attachments, providing another example of how science and astrology intersect—since the moon rules both the mother and our relationships.
Something that has always puzzled me in my work is when a client's moon sign seems to have no correlation with how they experienced their mother. In theory, a natal Moon in Libra should indicate a mother who embodies the archetypal qualities of Libra—someone who represents harmony, balance, or perhaps even, on the opposite extreme, codependency. While this is often the case, it's important to consider other factors, such as planetary aspects to the moon, the house it occupies, and more. However, I've encountered numerous examples where this correlation simply doesn't hold true. My own chart is a personal example of this.
I have my Moon in Sagittarius in the 5th house, yet my mother couldn't have been further from the Sagittarian archetype. She was a Libra Sun, Libra Ascendant, with a Capricorn Moon. Her primary focus in life was material beauty, with little to no sense of spiritual expansion or adventure. My Moon is also conjunct Pluto and square Mars, which I feel more accurately reflects my experience of my birth mother. The Pluto-Moon conjunction, often referred to as the "Hades Moon" or the "motherless" placement, symbolizes deep emotional intensity and abandonment from the mother figure. Meanwhile, Mars square the Moon typically points to a volatile, combative, and unsafe relationship with the mother—something I experienced firsthand.
One crucial thing I failed to recognize, which would have saved me a great deal of struggle in my romantic relationships, is that just because my mother couldn't meet the needs of my Moon sign didn’t mean those needs could simply go unmet. From my perspective, my mother was never safe and never gave me a concept of “mother.” What I overlooked were the maladaptive techniques I developed to fulfill those deep biological and emotional needs.
My father, in many ways, embodied the essence of Sagittarius. He was a world traveler, a spiritual seeker, and had an insatiable desire to explore life's philosophies. Some of my earliest memories with him are of reading Greek myths together and listening to his lectures on the meaning of life and spirituality. In a sense, I created "mother" in my father, as the needs of my Moon were not the typical ones we often associate with motherhood—like preparing food, coddling, or offering sweet hugs. This would have been fine, except that, alongside his redeeming qualities of adventure, knowledge, and spirituality, my father was also an abuser. He struggled with severe mental illness and had a controlling nature.
I have a fairly good Sun placement, typically where an astrologer would look to understand the dynamics between the father and the child, so I was always stumped as to what made me so attracted to men in relationships who were so controlling with tendencies of abuse and narcissism. I could understand in theory that I was looking for my dad in them, but failed to be able to comprehend why the attachment felt so pathological and inescapable, almost like an addiction. I tend to find men who offer the qualities of Sagittarius, such as an abundance of fun, passion, and interest in the meaning of life, but also are abusive and emotionally unavailable. Even though I may have seen all the red flags, without fail I couldn’t stop myself from becoming enmeshed with them until it reached the point of no return and I had to make an escape of some sort, a similar pattern to what I experienced with my father.
Only through an insight gained while working with one of my clients—who struggled to understand her inability to see fault in her alcoholic, abusive mother—was I able to truly grasp the desperation with which we all seek to experience a sense of 'mother.' As infants, our need for our mother is tied to survival, not just a desire for comfort. This survival instinct carries over into our relationships, which is why so many people find it difficult to leave obviously unhealthy and abusive partnerships. By looking at their moon sign, you can easily identify the needs being met that keep them pathologically attached. Until we turn inward, or examine our moon placement to recognize what those needs are and learn to meet them ourselves, we will remain in such situations or continue to idealize the parent/person who provided for us without seeing their faults.
In the case of my client, their Moon was in Leo, indicating a primary need for childlike joy, creativity, and freedom of expression. Although their mother was a severe alcoholic and often unavailable—either inebriated or in and out of rehab for much of their childhood—on the rare occasions she was sober, she would play games, bond with them over creative projects, and act more like a playmate than a parental figure. Despite her instability, they still viewed her as the ideal and safer parent. This led to feelings of shame, as they couldn’t love their objectively safer and more consistent father in the same way they idolized their mother. Their father, while always stable and present, was seen as somewhat dull, lacking the zest and childlike curiosity for life that their mother embodied.
In a breakthrough session, I helped them realize that there was nothing wrong with feeling a sense of safety with their mother—it was simply the embodiment of the Moon they were born under. We also uncovered that they were repeating this cycle in their relationships, seeking out partners who provided that same sense of fun and playfulness, yet struggling to leave when addiction or emotional neglect became issues. Through this realization, they were able to replace the judgment they had placed on themselves for not being able to 'get their shit together' and leave these partnerships sooner with self-compassion. Additionally, by offering their inner child the understanding that they weren’t bad for not feeling the same sense of 'home' with their objectively safer father, they were able to reparent themselves and recognize that their father was, in fact, a loving parental figure. They no longer needed to resent him for not showing up in the positive ways their mother did.
As you can see from these two examples, the desperation to receive our 'moon food' can lead to self-destruction. It is rooted in instinct and biological desire, often leaving us feeling powerless to whatever addiction we've used to meet that need. Astrology offers a lens of compassion, but also of freedom and accountability. Yes, it’s crucial to honor and understand why we do the things we do to foster self-forgiveness and compassion for others, but not at the expense of changing the narrative and reparenting ourselves. In both examples, my client and I were able to learn how to provide our 'moon food' in healthy ways rather than accepting it through destructive relationships.
For my client, they needed to give themselves permission to connect with their inner child through play and creativity. That way, when someone offers these qualities, they aren’t in such a desperate state that they accept it along with abuse and neglect. Similarly, I must rewrite my story around 'mother.' Mother doesn’t need to come in the form of a man, as it did with my father. Just because a man offers some form of philosophical stimulation or dynamism doesn’t mean I can allow myself to be controlled or abused.
As you’re reading this, you’re likely curious about how to apply this to your own life and the Moon sign you were born under. Below, I’ll provide a few examples of the basic needs for each Moon sign and some of their possibly maladaptive coping techniques. Identifying whether you received these needs from either parent will help you understand what shaped your sense of 'mother.' It also offers the chance to reflect on any dysfunctional patterns you may have accepted in order to receive those needs. If you feel neither parent met them, consider what you seek in your life—does it manifest through sex/relationships, food, screen time, or substances?
By understanding that meeting the needs of your Moon is not optional, you can cultivate self-compassion for patterns that may seem self-destructive and learn how to meet those needs in healthier ways.
Moon in Aries-independence, challenge, being allowed to take initiative and do things for yourself, excitement, a freedom to express boldness and fearlessness
Moon in Taurus-stability, physical comfort and safety, food/nourishment is a big one for Moon in Taurus, security, sensory pleasure, consistency, patience/not being rushed or pushed to move too quickly
Moon in Gemini-intellectual stimulation, engaging communication, lots of conversation, variety, change, social interaction, freedom, flexibility, anything/anyone who supports the stimulation of your mind
Moon in Cancer-emotional security, feel a sense of home and family, nurturance and care in typical motherly forms(preparing food, affections, coddling, etc.), honoring their sensitivity
Moon in Leo-playfulness, freedom of creative expression, attention for unique talents, joy, recognition, affection, warmth
Moon in Virgo-order, organization, practical support, routine, a space for self improvement or opportunity to improve something around them, constructive loving feedback
Moon in Libra-balance, harmony, partnership, connection, fairness, justice, a sense of beauty and aesthetics, diplomacy
Moon in Scorpio-deep emotional connection and understanding, trust, honesty, privacy, a sense of being in control, loyalty, empathy for the depth of their experience, acceptance of their shadow, a space for transformation and growth
Moon in Sagittarius-adventure, fun, freedom, independence, optimism and positivity, intellectual stimulation of their ideas, beliefs, and morals, spiritual/philosophical conversations, honesty and bluntness
Moon in Capricorn-stability, security, recognition and acknowledgement of their hard work, may feel more comfort in father than mother, long-term security, practicality, steadiness, evenness of emotion
Moon in Aquarius-freedom, autonomy, space to dive into their intellectual pursuits, authenticity, embracing a sense of eccentricity or uniqueness
Moon in Pisces-emotional sensitivity, indulging their spiritual or mystical pursuits/insights, a place to escape from emotional overwhelm, a sense of imagination
